Marriage is the most intimate relationship on earth! And, intimate in every way, not just sexually – emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. 

Your Creator, the God of Heaven, the One who made you, designed marriage to be a unique, lifelong relationship of love & companionship between a man and woman. As such, all Scriptures which relate to nurturing, building, maintaining, and restoring good relationships with others are extremely applicable to marriage. With that in mind, consider the following.

ACT

ACT is what you do proactively, not based on any encouragement or initiative by your spouse, not for the sake of any selfish desire, and with your spouse’s best interest in view.

Matthew 5:44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.

Of course, your spouse is not your enemy! So, here is the point – If there are very practical ways that you should demonstrate true love for your enemies, how much more applicable for your spouse, the one to whom you pledged your lifelong commitment & love? 

1. ACT in love – “Bless them”

   So often, our communication is neutral at best, neither encouraging nor destructive. Such communication may not be offensive and is often necessary. But, don’t stop there. Go beyond the mundane! 

   Purposely use your words to build, encourage, comfort, strengthen, thank, & praise your spouse. In speaking about them, either to someone else, to the Lord Himself, or within your own heart, speak good of them.

   Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.

2. ACT in love – “Do good to them”

   Authentic love is active. Demonstrate love in a meaningful, visible way to your spouse today. 

   Remember, authentic love isn’t about you, it is about the other person.

   Pray through, think through, and possibly write out two or three ways to show love to your spouse. Serve. Help. Do something special, something that the other enjoys, something needful, or something fun. 

   And, yes, do something intimate too! Intimacy is not always sexual, but it is always exclusive – that is, it is something that you would only share or do with your spouse. You are never too old to be intimate.

   Make “love in action” part of your normal, daily life together. Keep it fresh. Keep in meaningful. Keep it focused on your spouse.  

3. ACT in love – “Pray for them”

   Unseen to the eyes of others, demonstrate a true love for your spouse – pray for them. There can be no hypocrisy before the throne of God. God knows & sees everything.

   Maybe one of the key issues in your marriage is that you are trying to change your spouse by your own efforts. This can lead to frustration and impatience. Instead, ask God to make those changes. The Lord works in the deepest parts of the soul. He transforms a person from the inside out. 

   Seek the Lord to help your spouse grow in their character, to bless your marriage and strengthen your relationship with your spouse. And, ask Him to make you into the spouse that He wants you to be.  

REACT

A reaction is a response to some external force. That external force, in the case of this study, is your spouse. It might be a reaction to the who your spouse IS or what your spouse DOES. Or, who your spouse isn’t or what your spouse doesn’t do.

Colossians 3:12-13 Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; 13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.

In these verses, we read of three ways that a believer is to REACT in his or her relationships with others. And, the closer the relationship, the more necessary it is to display these virtues.

1. REACT with longsuffering.

   Longsuffering patiently abides under the weight of troubles, difficulties, and ill-treatment – to suffer again, and again, and again, and not to collapse or give up. 

   Jesus Christ exemplified the spirit of longsuffering while on the cross. Note His response as listed in 1 Peter 2:20-23.

   1 Peter 2:23 Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously.

   What is the key to such a having and maintaining longsuffering? The answer is found at end of this text – “but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously.” Longsuffering is an act of faith!

   Have faith that God sees and knows all. Have faith that God’s purposes will be accomplished. Believe that God will keep you, help you, strengthen you. 

2. REACT with forbearance.

   Forbearance is restraining one’s self or “putting up with” the faults of others without giving in to reaction. Another way to think of this virtue is “to endure the difficult realities that you are experiencing without retaliation.”

   It may seem like “putting up with” another is not a “super-virtuous” quality. But, in reality, it is a key fundamental building block to any relationship.

   Why are longsuffering and forbearance so important to your relationship with your spouse? Because, your spouse has faults. Your spouse is a sinner. And, so are you!

3. REACT with forgiveness.

   Forgiveness is “a PROMISE to NOT REMEMBER the GUILT of another person’s sinful conduct against you.”

   But, how can you ever truly forget? You can’t. The meaning of “not remember” in our definition is “to not recall the GUILT” or to not hold them guilty any more.

   In this way, when you forgive your spouse, you are ERADICATING the guilt of their sinful conduct against you.

   In our text, we are given the motivation and the pattern for forgiving our spouses: “even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.”

   Where there is a lack of forgiveness in any relationship, there is a poisonous root which will eventually bear destructive fruit. There is no substitute for forgiveness.

   The more intimate the relationship, the more necessary is forgiveness and the more damaging will unforgiveness be.

MEDITATE

If ACT is the offensive part of the armor and REACT deals with the defensive, MEDITATE focuses on heart of the soldier. And, in truth, the battle for strong marriage relationship is won first and foremost in your heart.

When we speak of meditation, we are not talking about the “Eastern-World” practice of reflection. We are speaking of what is found in Scriptures such as the following:

Psalm 1:2 But his delight is in the law of the Lord; And in his law doth he meditate day and night.

Joshua 1:8 This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success.

Meditation, in these passages of Scripture, is a certain way of thinking through a text of Scripture and includes the following three steps. These steps are a process and follow a sequence, step by step, as we approach a Bible text. 

1.     Knowledge: What does the text say?

2.    Understanding: What does the text mean?

3.    Do: How does the text apply to you, your character, your conduct, & your marriage?

The purpose in Biblical meditation is internal transformation which results in change of thinking, attitude, purpose, perspective, desire, character, & conduct.

This is what we need in our marriages. We need each of us to be transformed from the inside.

Without meditation, exposure to the Word of God is often without any personal benefit or growth. How are you reading and listening to the Word of God? How did you just work through this study? 

Consider the following exhortations from God’s Word about your relationship to the Scripture.

1 Peter 2:2 As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby.

Colossians 3:16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly…

How can meditation help your marriage? 

Remember, marriage is a unique, lifelong relationship of love & companionship between a man and woman. Meditation upon what you have considered in this study will affect change in you & through that change will affect your marriage. 

One last thought about meditation – don’t stop at meditating only upon the truths in this study. The Word of God is filled with much more that will help transform you and build your marriage and your life! 

Make the decision right now to meditate upon God’s Word each day. Set aside time every day to read through a section of the Bible with the desire to know, understand, and apply its truths to your life. The New Testament is a great place to start!

STEPS TO TAKE

1. PRAY

   Ask the LORD to help you change, to be transformed, so that you can grow into who He wants you to be in your marriage. Ask Him to bless your marriage by His working in and through you. 

2. APPLY

   Take the next 14 days and seek to diligently apply the truths that are found in this study. Don’t stop there – but, you need to start. Start today!

3. FOLLOW UP

   Assess where you are after 14 days. If your spouse is willing, ask them for their input on some of the points of this study. Share with them after the 14 days what you have learned, the decisions that you have made, and ask for their help in your growth.

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